Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I may be a shoe whore...
... but these scream a whole different kind of whore. I'd like to meet the person who woke up one day and thought, "Im going to design a shoe that says stripper meets Candy Land!!"
messy, messy, MESSY!!!
I seriously can not take anymore messes. I know those of you with children are laughing because no matter how much I "can't take it" I'm going to have to keep taking it. However, it's driving me insane. The clutter, food spills, smelly trash from diapers and a constant stream of laundry are taking its toll on me.
Not to mention I had M at work with me last week and my office looks like a tornado hit it. My job consists of a lot of paperwork so you can imagine what I'm talking about.
ARGH!!!!!!!! I just want to clean and have things STAY clean for more than 2 hours!!! Better yet, someone else to clean for me.
OK, rant over.
Not to mention I had M at work with me last week and my office looks like a tornado hit it. My job consists of a lot of paperwork so you can imagine what I'm talking about.
ARGH!!!!!!!! I just want to clean and have things STAY clean for more than 2 hours!!! Better yet, someone else to clean for me.
OK, rant over.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Giving Thanks
I'm going to be totally honest here and confess that I actually really hate Thanksgiving. It's not the whole concept of gathering around and being thankful and all, it's the cleaning and cooking that gets done before, the mass of family I'd rather not deal with, a spread of food I don't really care for and football all day long. Now I can add to that the apparent craziness that comes over the kids and I basically can't wait for the day to be over. However, I am thankful for many things in my life so in the spirit of this poorly executed holiday here are the things I am thankful for:
- I'm thankful for my mother for getting me to finally realize that I deserve better then what I was getting from my marriage. Without her I'd probably still be putting all with all the abuse and crap I was getting from my Ex.
- I'm thankful for my parents for rearranging their entire lives and home so my kids and I could move in to their house upstairs and try to get my feet on the ground again. It's a sacrifice for all involved but it's going to make things better in the long run.
- I'm thankful for my boyfriend, who is now my ex boyfriend, for understanding why I need to not be in a relationship right now. I'm thankful that he can just be my friend without being totally nuts about it.
- I'm thankful my sex drive has returned!!! Actually it was never gone, I was just with someone who was a total turn off. Now that I'm single I'm thankful for my vibrator. :)
- Lastly, I'm thankful for my children who are wonderful and love me regardless of anything else. They keep me on my toes and remind me why I do what I do and make life worth living.
- I'm thankful for my mother for getting me to finally realize that I deserve better then what I was getting from my marriage. Without her I'd probably still be putting all with all the abuse and crap I was getting from my Ex.
- I'm thankful for my parents for rearranging their entire lives and home so my kids and I could move in to their house upstairs and try to get my feet on the ground again. It's a sacrifice for all involved but it's going to make things better in the long run.
- I'm thankful for my boyfriend, who is now my ex boyfriend, for understanding why I need to not be in a relationship right now. I'm thankful that he can just be my friend without being totally nuts about it.
- I'm thankful my sex drive has returned!!! Actually it was never gone, I was just with someone who was a total turn off. Now that I'm single I'm thankful for my vibrator. :)
- Lastly, I'm thankful for my children who are wonderful and love me regardless of anything else. They keep me on my toes and remind me why I do what I do and make life worth living.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
All that Jazz
So in the quest to follow my dreams I have started taking voice lessons. They are wonderful and frusterating all at the same time and just when I was about to give up something wonderful happened. I'm working on "Song for you" and out came a Jazz vocal move that is apparently not that easy. My teachers jaw dropped and I got a, "Damn Girl! That was impressive!" Suddenly not only was my faith in myself was restored but I became very interested in Jazz. I've never listened to it much before and I wanted to know if I could sing more of it. So off to Barnes and Noble I went where I picked up a Jazz Divas CD with a ton of older Jazz songs, an Ella Fitzgerald CD and a Jane Monheit CD. I have to say I love them all. I'm a major fan of 40's music, I had no idea what I've been in love with for ages was considered Jazz. Jane Monheit is fantastic as well so I guess I'd have to say that I'm officially a fan of jazz.
One of my favorite songs is an old song made new again. In the first video it's being done by Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire and in the second is done by Jane Monheit and Michael Buble. Enjoy!
One of my favorite songs is an old song made new again. In the first video it's being done by Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire and in the second is done by Jane Monheit and Michael Buble. Enjoy!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Too much sadness for one weekend
I went to a second Memorial Service on Sunday. I friend of mine and fellow member of Artists In Action passed away.
The service was short but sweet and I know Joe will be deeply missed by all those who loved him.
Please keep the families of these two people in your thoughts.
A celebration of a life well lived
Famed Jazz Musician, Amanda Ambrose passed away recently. She personaly touched my life and I've been looking for a way to express my sadness but I have yet to find it. A song maybe... I'll have to find something fitting.
I attended the memorial service on Saturday and it was amazing. This woman touched so many lives, was a fantastic artist and wonderful human being.
I attended the memorial service on Saturday and it was amazing. This woman touched so many lives, was a fantastic artist and wonderful human being.
Amanda Ambrose
Born: April 18, 1925.
Died: Oct. 26, 2007.
Services: Celebration of life at 1 p.m. today at Glorious Church of God
in Christ, 4701 E Hanna Ave., Tampa. "
http://www.sptimes.com/2007/11/11/news_pf/Northpinellas/Famed_jazz_pe...
Famed jazz performer, Scientologist
Times Staff Writer Published November 11, 2007
CLEARWATER - She clapped wildly at the swirl of skirts and crinoline on
stage. She gazed at the beautiful dancing woman.
Amanda Ambrose's parents owned a cosmetology school across from the
local African- American theater in St. Louis. The theatre musicians let
little Amanda sit on their laps as they played the organs that rose from
the stage.
She was 5 years old, but at that moment, she wanted to be like that lady
- turned out, it was Josephine Baker.
As a child, she took dance and piano lessons and sang in her church. At
18, Ms. Ambrose started singing jazz in local nightclubs. Then came
Hollywood, Chicago, New York and beyond.
There was the Rainbow Room, Florentine Gardens and Carnegie Hall. NBC,
ABC and CBS. Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin. Live Shakespeare in New
York.
Ms. Ambrose astounded her children.
"I couldn't believe this incredible music," said her daughter, Naomi
Kaye. "Seeing the audience, the way they responded. They would clap and
stand and cheer for her."
She hosted parties and hobnobbed with Dizzy Gillespie and Louis
Armstrong. The kids would sneak from their room in pajamas and crawl
along the floor to watch.
Once, Ms. Ambrose found them.
"You can come join the party if you want," she said.
During a performance at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago, Ms. Ambrose
opened her mouth to sing. Nothing came out. A doctor told her she needed
to take time off.
"You wouldn't ask a doctor or a lawyer to get a part-time gig or get a
real job," she told him.
Soon after, she developed a vocal program for pop singers called
Voicercise, which Kaye still teaches. And her family said Ms. Ambrose's
own voice came back stronger than before.
"She kind of grew at a very rapid rate," said her daughter, Stephanie
Hamilton. "She was always looking for answers."
* * *
She grew up in an African Methodist Episcopal Church. Churches felt like
home.
"For black people, that's where we live," said Hamilton. "Everything
that's good about our community comes form the church."
Church was never far, even after a traumatic moment took her on a new
path.
In the '60s, Ambrose volunteered at her child's school. One day, she
heard a noise in the bathroom, Hamilton said - on the floor, an
11-year-old boy writhed with a needle in his arm.
"She picked him up and started to run with him," Hamilton said. "He
looked up and said, 'Please help me,' and he died in her arms."
Soon after, she became interested the Church of Scientology, and how it
could improve African-American social standing, education and literacy.
Ms. Ambrose became one of the first black Scientologists.
"She was already famous," said the Rev. Charles Kennedy, pastor of the
Glorious Church of God in Christ in Tampa. "She wanted something to help
the African-American community. She embraced it fully."
Along with her daughter, Ms. Ambrose founded Ebony Awakenings, a group
that has worked to honor African-Americans and create partnerships
between Scientology and churches, including Kennedy's.
"It was a dream for her," Hamilton said.
* * *
She never really slowed down.
Men always flirted with Ms. Ambrose, whom her daughter said never had a
wrinkle. When Hamilton asked how she stayed so vivacious, Ms. Ambrose
said, "Try to keep up, Stephanie."
She and Hamilton lived together in Clearwater. They'd see live theatre,
listen to music and study Scientology together.
Sick recently with colon cancer, she stayed heavily involved in Ebony
Awakenings. And she dearly wanted to see her 18-year-old grandson's rock
band perform live.
The night before she died, the band came over and serenaded her with an
acoustic set.
On Oct. 26, she died. She was 82.
Born: April 18, 1925.
Died: Oct. 26, 2007.
Services: Celebration of life at 1 p.m. today at Glorious Church of God
in Christ, 4701 E Hanna Ave., Tampa. "
http://www.sptimes.com/2007/11/11/news_pf/Northpinellas/Famed_jazz_pe...
Famed jazz performer, Scientologist
Times Staff Writer Published November 11, 2007
CLEARWATER - She clapped wildly at the swirl of skirts and crinoline on
stage. She gazed at the beautiful dancing woman.
Amanda Ambrose's parents owned a cosmetology school across from the
local African- American theater in St. Louis. The theatre musicians let
little Amanda sit on their laps as they played the organs that rose from
the stage.
She was 5 years old, but at that moment, she wanted to be like that lady
- turned out, it was Josephine Baker.
As a child, she took dance and piano lessons and sang in her church. At
18, Ms. Ambrose started singing jazz in local nightclubs. Then came
Hollywood, Chicago, New York and beyond.
There was the Rainbow Room, Florentine Gardens and Carnegie Hall. NBC,
ABC and CBS. Johnny Carson and Merv Griffin. Live Shakespeare in New
York.
Ms. Ambrose astounded her children.
"I couldn't believe this incredible music," said her daughter, Naomi
Kaye. "Seeing the audience, the way they responded. They would clap and
stand and cheer for her."
She hosted parties and hobnobbed with Dizzy Gillespie and Louis
Armstrong. The kids would sneak from their room in pajamas and crawl
along the floor to watch.
Once, Ms. Ambrose found them.
"You can come join the party if you want," she said.
During a performance at the Goodman Theatre in Chicago, Ms. Ambrose
opened her mouth to sing. Nothing came out. A doctor told her she needed
to take time off.
"You wouldn't ask a doctor or a lawyer to get a part-time gig or get a
real job," she told him.
Soon after, she developed a vocal program for pop singers called
Voicercise, which Kaye still teaches. And her family said Ms. Ambrose's
own voice came back stronger than before.
"She kind of grew at a very rapid rate," said her daughter, Stephanie
Hamilton. "She was always looking for answers."
* * *
She grew up in an African Methodist Episcopal Church. Churches felt like
home.
"For black people, that's where we live," said Hamilton. "Everything
that's good about our community comes form the church."
Church was never far, even after a traumatic moment took her on a new
path.
In the '60s, Ambrose volunteered at her child's school. One day, she
heard a noise in the bathroom, Hamilton said - on the floor, an
11-year-old boy writhed with a needle in his arm.
"She picked him up and started to run with him," Hamilton said. "He
looked up and said, 'Please help me,' and he died in her arms."
Soon after, she became interested the Church of Scientology, and how it
could improve African-American social standing, education and literacy.
Ms. Ambrose became one of the first black Scientologists.
"She was already famous," said the Rev. Charles Kennedy, pastor of the
Glorious Church of God in Christ in Tampa. "She wanted something to help
the African-American community. She embraced it fully."
Along with her daughter, Ms. Ambrose founded Ebony Awakenings, a group
that has worked to honor African-Americans and create partnerships
between Scientology and churches, including Kennedy's.
"It was a dream for her," Hamilton said.
* * *
She never really slowed down.
Men always flirted with Ms. Ambrose, whom her daughter said never had a
wrinkle. When Hamilton asked how she stayed so vivacious, Ms. Ambrose
said, "Try to keep up, Stephanie."
She and Hamilton lived together in Clearwater. They'd see live theatre,
listen to music and study Scientology together.
Sick recently with colon cancer, she stayed heavily involved in Ebony
Awakenings. And she dearly wanted to see her 18-year-old grandson's rock
band perform live.
The night before she died, the band came over and serenaded her with an
acoustic set.
On Oct. 26, she died. She was 82.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
ilove
I've been needing a new computer since I left my ex husband so today I decided to bite the bullet and get what I really want.
I'm so happy!! Now I can do all my music stuff, photo editing stuff and anything else crafty. I got the 24 inch monitor, which is huge, I'm so in love!
Now if any of you Mac users could give me some pointers I'd really appreciate it.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
New Look
I changed the look of my blog. I'm not sure I like it so I may go back. Tell me what you think. :)
3 Things
Just for fun, here are the 3 things I'm really loving right at this moment.
1. My organic, freshly brewed coffee. Even if it did get a little cold before I finally got a chance to drink it.
2. My size 6 Old Navy Jeans that are now big enough I have to keep pulling them up. :)
3. The weather!! It's finally cooling down here and I'm able to wear close toed shoes, long sleeves and jeans! The long sleeves will have to come off come lunch time but at least right now, at this moment, I love the weather.
No, this isn't a meme but feel free to post your 3 favorite things too.
1. My organic, freshly brewed coffee. Even if it did get a little cold before I finally got a chance to drink it.
2. My size 6 Old Navy Jeans that are now big enough I have to keep pulling them up. :)
3. The weather!! It's finally cooling down here and I'm able to wear close toed shoes, long sleeves and jeans! The long sleeves will have to come off come lunch time but at least right now, at this moment, I love the weather.
No, this isn't a meme but feel free to post your 3 favorite things too.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A moment of silence
I just removed the link to One Weird Mother blog. *weep*
Here's to many months of entertainment and laughs. I do hope it's author opts to write something again soon and I do hope I'm on the ball enough to hear about it and read it.
Here's to many months of entertainment and laughs. I do hope it's author opts to write something again soon and I do hope I'm on the ball enough to hear about it and read it.
What now?
OK, first of all I have not blogged in so long I’m pretty sure no one is reading anymore. Nevertheless, I need a place to spit my thoughts out so I’m just going to go on like there is still someone out there. My appologies for being gone for so long.
Divorce is an interesting animal. It’s an unpleasant struggle between two parties for a supposed upper hand that really doesn’t exist. In other words, I’m pretty sure both parties are bitter to the core, thinking the other person has the upper hand when the truth of the matter is that it’s like a never ending game of tug-o-war. The only way you are going to win is to keep in there, pulling for what you want until the other party finally gets tired and gives up.
In my case, it’s a very dirty game of tug-o-war and a constant struggle to keep my own integrity in when faced with an opponent who appears to have no morals. I refuse to sink to his level and play his game so I’m just going to stand here and hold my ground until he finally gives up. He will give up, I know him well enough to know that. I also know him well enough to know that the closer he is to being defeated the nastier he will get. I really hate this but I refuse to cave and get less then my children need because he has decided to be a jackass.
In other news… I’m finally making strides in the direction I’ve wanted to make them in for a very long time. I’ve moved back in with my parents, which is annoying and tough on the pride, but it’s going to allow me to pay off my debt and have money to forward the goals I’ve been wanting to forward. And maybe even allow for a few pairs of shoes here and there.
Lastly, and most importantly, I HAVE TICKETS TO SEE MICHAEL BUBLE IN FEBRUARY!!!!! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it, and somehow this has motivated me to get my butt in gear and start working out again. Which is odd but hey, I’ll take it!!
I have to end here because, well, I should be working and I’m not. A little Buble for your viewing/listening pleasure:
Divorce is an interesting animal. It’s an unpleasant struggle between two parties for a supposed upper hand that really doesn’t exist. In other words, I’m pretty sure both parties are bitter to the core, thinking the other person has the upper hand when the truth of the matter is that it’s like a never ending game of tug-o-war. The only way you are going to win is to keep in there, pulling for what you want until the other party finally gets tired and gives up.
In my case, it’s a very dirty game of tug-o-war and a constant struggle to keep my own integrity in when faced with an opponent who appears to have no morals. I refuse to sink to his level and play his game so I’m just going to stand here and hold my ground until he finally gives up. He will give up, I know him well enough to know that. I also know him well enough to know that the closer he is to being defeated the nastier he will get. I really hate this but I refuse to cave and get less then my children need because he has decided to be a jackass.
In other news… I’m finally making strides in the direction I’ve wanted to make them in for a very long time. I’ve moved back in with my parents, which is annoying and tough on the pride, but it’s going to allow me to pay off my debt and have money to forward the goals I’ve been wanting to forward. And maybe even allow for a few pairs of shoes here and there.
Lastly, and most importantly, I HAVE TICKETS TO SEE MICHAEL BUBLE IN FEBRUARY!!!!! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it, and somehow this has motivated me to get my butt in gear and start working out again. Which is odd but hey, I’ll take it!!
I have to end here because, well, I should be working and I’m not. A little Buble for your viewing/listening pleasure:
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
When it rains, it pours
Sigh... Despite all that has been going well, I'm dealing with my fair share of crap.
First soon to be ex-husband (we'll call him "jackass" for the purpose of this blog) lost his job on purpose in hopes of paying less child support. As a result, I am losing my house, (which doesn't totally break my heart because the taxes were going to to up anyway and I just couldn't see paying $1800 a month for 2 bedrooms and 1100 square feet.) It doesn't look like Jackass will find a job anytime soon and he acts like I have 3 heads when I tell him he needs to find some money somewhere to help with groceries and daycare. This is the same Jackass who threatened leaving the country to avoid paying child support.
If that wasn't enough, my mom went to the hospital on Friday with a blood clot in her leg. She is back home now but thank god they found it before it became disastrous. She can't walk and is on blood thinners for now. There was no reason for her to get a clot at all and she is only 45. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life.
Then I miscarried. Yup, I was a week and a half late. I knew I was pregnant but knew something was wrong. Friday (the day my mom went to the hospital) I got a faint positive and today I lost it. I feel so lost. I don't really have anyone to talk to, I'm not telling my parents because they don't need more crap on their plate. Sigh... being a single mom sucks!
First soon to be ex-husband (we'll call him "jackass" for the purpose of this blog) lost his job on purpose in hopes of paying less child support. As a result, I am losing my house, (which doesn't totally break my heart because the taxes were going to to up anyway and I just couldn't see paying $1800 a month for 2 bedrooms and 1100 square feet.) It doesn't look like Jackass will find a job anytime soon and he acts like I have 3 heads when I tell him he needs to find some money somewhere to help with groceries and daycare. This is the same Jackass who threatened leaving the country to avoid paying child support.
If that wasn't enough, my mom went to the hospital on Friday with a blood clot in her leg. She is back home now but thank god they found it before it became disastrous. She can't walk and is on blood thinners for now. There was no reason for her to get a clot at all and she is only 45. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life.
Then I miscarried. Yup, I was a week and a half late. I knew I was pregnant but knew something was wrong. Friday (the day my mom went to the hospital) I got a faint positive and today I lost it. I feel so lost. I don't really have anyone to talk to, I'm not telling my parents because they don't need more crap on their plate. Sigh... being a single mom sucks!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Still Standing
Do you ever go back and read your earlier blog entries and think, "wow, I can't believe I was in that place"? I just did and not only was it a harsh reminder of how miserable I was, it was an awakening to how happy I am now.
I know my recent entries are romantically sappy and some of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "Silly girl, won't she ever learn?" Believe me, I've thought those same things recently, more times than I can count. The thing is that this time it's different. I am not a hopeless romantic, in fact, I'm quite the opposite. I have fought and fought this, I have tried so hard to find everything wrong with it that I could.... but I. just. can't. find. anything! It's so amazingly perfect that I wonder what the hell did I do to deserve this?
If you could possibly imagine your perfect person, a person who complements you in every way, someone who literally completes you... well that's what I've found. And while I am trying with everything I have to move incredibly slow so I don't make the same mistakes, I have a wonderful feeling that I should just let go and trust. Which, if you consider that I am coming out of a horrific (H-O-R-R-I-F-I-C) marriage, the fact that I could even consider trusting is pretty damn amazing.
Anywhoo... M is going to be 3 in about a month. Where the hell did the time go!?! I have to say that this is not my favorite age. Don't get me wrong, I love that I can have whole conversations with him and that he tells me he loves me and "Mommy, you beautiful!" However, I am soooo ready to be done with the terrible twos... And yes, I do know that they don't end when he turns 3. I figure I have at least a good year and a half before it really gets better. At which point K will be smack dab in the middle of the tantrum throwing, "No!" screaming, shin kicking two's. Sigh... Why the hell am I thinking about having more?!! :)
M turning 3 means K is a year and half. She is running around and babbling in a way that is so cute it makes my heart melt. Even better is she has won over my "dirty little secrets" heart. He is so in love with her and she loves him too. She gets jealous if I hug him and demands a hug of her own. Sigh... He loves my kids... Who knew such wonderful things could happen to me?
Lane - I promise, once my divorce is final I will give you all the details you can handle. :)
I know my recent entries are romantically sappy and some of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "Silly girl, won't she ever learn?" Believe me, I've thought those same things recently, more times than I can count. The thing is that this time it's different. I am not a hopeless romantic, in fact, I'm quite the opposite. I have fought and fought this, I have tried so hard to find everything wrong with it that I could.... but I. just. can't. find. anything! It's so amazingly perfect that I wonder what the hell did I do to deserve this?
If you could possibly imagine your perfect person, a person who complements you in every way, someone who literally completes you... well that's what I've found. And while I am trying with everything I have to move incredibly slow so I don't make the same mistakes, I have a wonderful feeling that I should just let go and trust. Which, if you consider that I am coming out of a horrific (H-O-R-R-I-F-I-C) marriage, the fact that I could even consider trusting is pretty damn amazing.
Anywhoo... M is going to be 3 in about a month. Where the hell did the time go!?! I have to say that this is not my favorite age. Don't get me wrong, I love that I can have whole conversations with him and that he tells me he loves me and "Mommy, you beautiful!" However, I am soooo ready to be done with the terrible twos... And yes, I do know that they don't end when he turns 3. I figure I have at least a good year and a half before it really gets better. At which point K will be smack dab in the middle of the tantrum throwing, "No!" screaming, shin kicking two's. Sigh... Why the hell am I thinking about having more?!! :)
M turning 3 means K is a year and half. She is running around and babbling in a way that is so cute it makes my heart melt. Even better is she has won over my "dirty little secrets" heart. He is so in love with her and she loves him too. She gets jealous if I hug him and demands a hug of her own. Sigh... He loves my kids... Who knew such wonderful things could happen to me?
Lane - I promise, once my divorce is final I will give you all the details you can handle. :)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
OH. MY. GOD.
I'm in love! Really, really in love! No, I'm not talking about an amazing pair of Jimmy Choos, I'm actually talking about man. A real live, penis wielding (thanks for that, Karrie!) MAN!
I deserve to be happy and I finally am. I am very close to filing divorce papers, which makes me very close to finally being free! Things are looking up, although they may get messier before they get better. But hey, that's OK, I'm in LOVE!
I deserve to be happy and I finally am. I am very close to filing divorce papers, which makes me very close to finally being free! Things are looking up, although they may get messier before they get better. But hey, that's OK, I'm in LOVE!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
What the hell is this?!?
Sweet Jesus, do I want a baby! What in the hell is happening to me? Do you all know any other crazy ladies out there who are adamant about being done at 2 children when they are married and then while filing for divorce suddenly want a baby so bad they can hardly see straight?!? I didn't think so.... BECAUSE IT'S INSANE!!!!
I'm not even ovulating right now... I think my "dirty little secret" has me feeling enough like a woman again that I might actually consider having more children. Hallelujah.
No worries though, not having sex so no babies in the near future for me. :)
I'm not even ovulating right now... I think my "dirty little secret" has me feeling enough like a woman again that I might actually consider having more children. Hallelujah.
No worries though, not having sex so no babies in the near future for me. :)
Monday, June 11, 2007
Happily Ever After
I wonder if there ever was as big a myth as that? Could it be true that someone could fall in love with their soul mate and live happily ever after? I supposed some of us could be so lucky but what about the rest of us?
I'm 24 and I will have been divorced twice. That's fucked up, if you ask me. It's not like I particuallarly DESERVE this, right? My first husband I loved with everything I had but could not keep him, my 2nd I can not get rid of fast enough. I would like to think that someday I will too, have a happily ever after. I would like to think that something is not too good to be true, that it really is THAT good.
I'm jaded and I don't believe in happily ever afters anymore. Which is unfortunate because I think that if I could just let go, let myself believe again, that I would be pleasently suprised.
I know that I SHOULD be alone for a while once I'm divorced. I SHOULD avoid falling in love again so soon and I SHOULD invest in me for a while. I SHOULD also go with my heart, and not pass up a good thing... So what do I do? Realistically, I've been out of love for quite a while now. My marriage has been over, I just didnt want to admit it. So now I could have something really good, someone who really cares about me and who I feel safe with.
This could be a good thing, or it could be too good to be true. I should and I shouldn't run away, so what do I do?
I'm 24 and I will have been divorced twice. That's fucked up, if you ask me. It's not like I particuallarly DESERVE this, right? My first husband I loved with everything I had but could not keep him, my 2nd I can not get rid of fast enough. I would like to think that someday I will too, have a happily ever after. I would like to think that something is not too good to be true, that it really is THAT good.
I'm jaded and I don't believe in happily ever afters anymore. Which is unfortunate because I think that if I could just let go, let myself believe again, that I would be pleasently suprised.
I know that I SHOULD be alone for a while once I'm divorced. I SHOULD avoid falling in love again so soon and I SHOULD invest in me for a while. I SHOULD also go with my heart, and not pass up a good thing... So what do I do? Realistically, I've been out of love for quite a while now. My marriage has been over, I just didnt want to admit it. So now I could have something really good, someone who really cares about me and who I feel safe with.
This could be a good thing, or it could be too good to be true. I should and I shouldn't run away, so what do I do?
Nameless Poetry
Do you know that I fought this
With everything I have, I tried
To not feel this way about you
It frightens me, I want to run away
To be alone, where it’s safe
No one can hurt me but myself
And I can pretend you don’t exist
I want to be free of this feeling
In my dream, I’m falling
I know it’s going to hurt when I land
I don’t want to wake, to feel reality
Reality is worse than the fall
You’re taking over every inch of my being
My sanity is threatened by your presence
I want to run away, will you stop me?
If I fall, will you catch me?
With everything I have, I tried
To not feel this way about you
It frightens me, I want to run away
To be alone, where it’s safe
No one can hurt me but myself
And I can pretend you don’t exist
I want to be free of this feeling
In my dream, I’m falling
I know it’s going to hurt when I land
I don’t want to wake, to feel reality
Reality is worse than the fall
You’re taking over every inch of my being
My sanity is threatened by your presence
I want to run away, will you stop me?
If I fall, will you catch me?
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
So you want some dirt, do ya?
I've been gone (not that many of you have noticed), technically I am still gone but I've had the desire to blog again so here I am.
As I exit the disaster that is my marriage I am finding myself entering something new and exciting. The timing is horrible, it's not what I wanted and if I were smart I wouldn't be doing what I've been doing but... It feels oh so good!!!
I'll leave the rest up to your imagination since what you imagine is probably far more entertaining and juicy that what is really going on... :)
As I exit the disaster that is my marriage I am finding myself entering something new and exciting. The timing is horrible, it's not what I wanted and if I were smart I wouldn't be doing what I've been doing but... It feels oh so good!!!
I'll leave the rest up to your imagination since what you imagine is probably far more entertaining and juicy that what is really going on... :)
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Silenced
In a glass room
I can see you standing on the outside
the walls get closer and closer
but I can see
He's trying to blind me
tinting the windows with jealousy
it's getting dark
I'm feeling smaller
Looking in at me
can you see that I'm not where I want to be
in self created misery
I restrain myself
I want to break those glass walls
to have it all come crashing down
he has my hands tied
bound like a punished lover
I struggle to see you now
gagged, bound and blind
kicking and screaming
in a well behaved silence
I want to smash the walls
to do to them
as they have done to me
punished, well behaved and silent
Do you see me still
the kicking and screaming
or just a well behaved, quiet girl
Do you feel me still like I feel you?
I can see you standing on the outside
the walls get closer and closer
but I can see
He's trying to blind me
tinting the windows with jealousy
it's getting dark
I'm feeling smaller
Looking in at me
can you see that I'm not where I want to be
in self created misery
I restrain myself
I want to break those glass walls
to have it all come crashing down
he has my hands tied
bound like a punished lover
I struggle to see you now
gagged, bound and blind
kicking and screaming
in a well behaved silence
I want to smash the walls
to do to them
as they have done to me
punished, well behaved and silent
Do you see me still
the kicking and screaming
or just a well behaved, quiet girl
Do you feel me still like I feel you?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Confusion and Buble'
You know how when try to organize a room, it always seems to get messier before it starts looking cleaner? Well, that is the story of my life.
I am cleaning house. Saying goodbye to a husband who has been hell bent on making life miserable for me and trying desperately to start over as as single mother of two very young children. It's hard I tell you, really fucking hard.
I'm setting my appointment to file the papers. Just waiting for a call back. It's going to get uglier before it gets nicer. Wish me luck...
On a happier note...
Michael Buble' released his latest CD on the 1st of May and let me be the first to tell you IT.IS. AMAZING! Even in these very dark times in my life I can put on this CD and instantly I feel better. I even have moments of being the crazy lady dancing around and rocking out in her car. I am completely off my rocker if I insist that chocolate and swing music are what is getting me through?
This is the first single off the album. Not my favorite song, but good none the less.
I am cleaning house. Saying goodbye to a husband who has been hell bent on making life miserable for me and trying desperately to start over as as single mother of two very young children. It's hard I tell you, really fucking hard.
I'm setting my appointment to file the papers. Just waiting for a call back. It's going to get uglier before it gets nicer. Wish me luck...
On a happier note...
Michael Buble' released his latest CD on the 1st of May and let me be the first to tell you IT.IS. AMAZING! Even in these very dark times in my life I can put on this CD and instantly I feel better. I even have moments of being the crazy lady dancing around and rocking out in her car. I am completely off my rocker if I insist that chocolate and swing music are what is getting me through?
This is the first single off the album. Not my favorite song, but good none the less.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I *Heart* Jersey
No, not the State. The material.
Recently I am obsessed with Jersey Dresses, and for good reason.
I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing more comfortable than Jersey. Except maybe being naked but after 2 kids I just can't get away with that anymore. ;) (Now that I have put that frightening image in your head...)
Comfortable it is and practical too. Unless you crumple it in a ball and let it sit in the heat for days it really doesn't wrinkle. It drapes nicely, and while a size too small can cling, it is very flattering. Since I'm still loosing baby weight and not investing a lot in clothing I've been getting my Jersey from places like Target and Old Navy. Should you want to put some cash down on some wonderfully figure flattering and good quality Jersey, Rachel Pally is the way to go.
I've picked these up from Old Navy recently and I love them!
Recently I am obsessed with Jersey Dresses, and for good reason.
I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing more comfortable than Jersey. Except maybe being naked but after 2 kids I just can't get away with that anymore. ;) (Now that I have put that frightening image in your head...)
Comfortable it is and practical too. Unless you crumple it in a ball and let it sit in the heat for days it really doesn't wrinkle. It drapes nicely, and while a size too small can cling, it is very flattering. Since I'm still loosing baby weight and not investing a lot in clothing I've been getting my Jersey from places like Target and Old Navy. Should you want to put some cash down on some wonderfully figure flattering and good quality Jersey, Rachel Pally is the way to go.
I've picked these up from Old Navy recently and I love them!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Somewhere Over The Rainbow...
Here are pics of last nights event. I did a very last minutes rendition of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." I was also the event planner for this event and it came off quite well. The group is Artists In Action International. You can visit us at www.artistsinactionint.org.
I am so happy to finally be coming up for air after this, event planning is quite a task. Especially when you are also a single mom and have a full time job!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Letters to the editor, newsday.com
More mental health services, and even involuntary mental health screenings, have been proposed to prevent repetition of the Virginia Tech massacre. But the mass murderer did get mental health care in a hospital.
He then rejected further treatment. The drug-only treatment he got may well have aggravated his disturbance.
Good mental health care is based on continuing, caring human contact: knowledgable people helping troubled people with problems, while strengthening and reassuring them. Medication, often with little or no meaningful human contact, has now almost entirely replaced that older care pattern. That's what the killer got. And anti-depressant drugs, like those he was given, can themselves intensify suicidal and homicidal thoughts and behavior.
When considering the effectiveness of mental health services, we should recognize that in the 50 years since drugs began to be psychiatry's main treatment modality, there has been a five-fold increase in the fraction of mentally disabled in the population.
Before hurrying to expand mental health services, we should examine more critically the results of treatment methods.
Dr. Nathaniel S. Lehrman
Editor's note: The writer is former clinical director of Kingsboro Psychiatric Center and former assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein and SUNY Downstate Colleges of Medicine.
Roslyn
www.newsday.com
He then rejected further treatment. The drug-only treatment he got may well have aggravated his disturbance.
Good mental health care is based on continuing, caring human contact: knowledgable people helping troubled people with problems, while strengthening and reassuring them. Medication, often with little or no meaningful human contact, has now almost entirely replaced that older care pattern. That's what the killer got. And anti-depressant drugs, like those he was given, can themselves intensify suicidal and homicidal thoughts and behavior.
When considering the effectiveness of mental health services, we should recognize that in the 50 years since drugs began to be psychiatry's main treatment modality, there has been a five-fold increase in the fraction of mentally disabled in the population.
Before hurrying to expand mental health services, we should examine more critically the results of treatment methods.
Dr. Nathaniel S. Lehrman
Editor's note: The writer is former clinical director of Kingsboro Psychiatric Center and former assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein and SUNY Downstate Colleges of Medicine.
Roslyn
www.newsday.com
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
More on School Shootings
From Fox National News Reporter, Douglas Kennedy:
From Filmmaker (Remember Bowling For Columbine?) Michael Moore
From Filmmaker (Remember Bowling For Columbine?) Michael Moore
Monday, April 23, 2007
It truly works!
I finally found a concealer that works! This one actually blends in to my skin with out making me look too orange or too pasty. I happen to be a neutral and fair skinned and it really does hide my dark circles.
All of the colors (fair, medium, etc) also come in warm, cool and neutral so they truly blend in to your skin. When it comes time to replace my foundation, blush, etc I will being going back to the true match line, it just looks so natural.
Major plus that it's cheap too!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The shooter was on anti depressants
I received this email today:
We would like to express our condolences to those that lost family members or friends. What happened in Blacksburg, VA is a loss to humanity.
Several investigators have recently reported that the assailant had been treated for depression with antidepressants. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration Public Health Advisory of March 22, 2004 identified the side effects of SSRI antidepressants, stating, “Anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, impulsivity, akathisia (severe restlessness), and mania (psychosis), have been reported in adult and pediatric patients being treated with antidepressants.” SSRI antidepressants have documented side effects of suicide, mania, psychosis, aggression and hostility.
It is time for a Congressional investigation into the link associated with psychotropic drugs and school violence. We must all contact our representatives and let them know that this is a national issue and that we demand an investigation into a link that even the FDA admits. It is time to speak out so that the children at Virginia Tech did not die in vain.
Please take a moment and contact your Congressional leaders now! It is time to act. It will only take a moment and may prevent future massacres in our learning institutions. If we keep our schools drug and label free, they will be safer too.
For the safety of our children this must be investigated. He is not the first school shooter who was on anti depressants. In fact, he is the 9th. This is a documented side effect of these drugs, why is nothing being done about it?!? Whether you agree with these drugs or not, the fact of the matter is that these are the side effects and as an absolute minimum it needs to be investigated.
We would like to express our condolences to those that lost family members or friends. What happened in Blacksburg, VA is a loss to humanity.
Several investigators have recently reported that the assailant had been treated for depression with antidepressants. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration Public Health Advisory of March 22, 2004 identified the side effects of SSRI antidepressants, stating, “Anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, impulsivity, akathisia (severe restlessness), and mania (psychosis), have been reported in adult and pediatric patients being treated with antidepressants.” SSRI antidepressants have documented side effects of suicide, mania, psychosis, aggression and hostility.
It is time for a Congressional investigation into the link associated with psychotropic drugs and school violence. We must all contact our representatives and let them know that this is a national issue and that we demand an investigation into a link that even the FDA admits. It is time to speak out so that the children at Virginia Tech did not die in vain.
Please take a moment and contact your Congressional leaders now! It is time to act. It will only take a moment and may prevent future massacres in our learning institutions. If we keep our schools drug and label free, they will be safer too.
For the safety of our children this must be investigated. He is not the first school shooter who was on anti depressants. In fact, he is the 9th. This is a documented side effect of these drugs, why is nothing being done about it?!? Whether you agree with these drugs or not, the fact of the matter is that these are the side effects and as an absolute minimum it needs to be investigated.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Mommy Style - Blue Jean News
The good news is that "Mom jeans" are out, and have been for a while. The even better news is that the ultra low rise trend that frightened the begezus out of us is also out. Yes, rises are rising! It seems we have pendulum swung so don't be surprised if you see rises so high they put mom jeans to shame. None the less, rises are now at an acceptable range, just bellow the belly button.
My advice to moms who are going to treat themselves to some new jeans (you deserve it, right?) is to follow a few basic rules:
1. Boot cut (not flare) is figure flattering on everyone. They are not a trend and can be your go to jean until they fall apart.
2. The darker the wash the slimmer you look. If you are concerned with bumps and lumps, go dark.
3. Embellishments and spot fading bring attention to the area where the embellishment or fading is located. If you have large thighs (as I do) don't get jeans with fading on the thigh area! If you have a nice arse and want to bring attention to it get jeans with a little extra something on the back pockets.
4. Beware of the muffin top! Your jeans are too low or too tight if you have a ring of flab hanging over the top and resembles the shape of a muffin.
5. Wear appropriate shoes when you shop for jeans. Jeans that are too long look sloppy and jeans that are too short look, well, stupid. :) If you are looking for a nice pair of jeans to wear out at night, bring a pair of heals to try on with them. Keep in mind that sometimes the perfect length is unattainable and be prepared to have them altered. I'm 5'4" and have to have a pair of jeans for heals and a separate pair altered to be short enough for flats.
6. Before you commit to a pair, walk around in them, sit down in them, get down on the floor and crawl in them. OK, I'm exaggerating a little but come on, we all have kids right? Make sure they are comfortable to MOVE in.
7. Keep in mind the time of day you are shopping. We all tend to be a few lbs heavier at the end of the day and during that time of the month. If you are shopping in the morning keep in mind that you will need a little room to expand.
8. Plan to take some time when hunting for the perfect pair of jeans. They don't have to be expensive but nothing feels better than the perfect pair of broken in jeans that flatter. If you are not sure, take a camera to the dressing room so you can take pics of you in them to look at later or to show to friends to get an honest opinion.
My advice to moms who are going to treat themselves to some new jeans (you deserve it, right?) is to follow a few basic rules:
1. Boot cut (not flare) is figure flattering on everyone. They are not a trend and can be your go to jean until they fall apart.
2. The darker the wash the slimmer you look. If you are concerned with bumps and lumps, go dark.
3. Embellishments and spot fading bring attention to the area where the embellishment or fading is located. If you have large thighs (as I do) don't get jeans with fading on the thigh area! If you have a nice arse and want to bring attention to it get jeans with a little extra something on the back pockets.
4. Beware of the muffin top! Your jeans are too low or too tight if you have a ring of flab hanging over the top and resembles the shape of a muffin.
5. Wear appropriate shoes when you shop for jeans. Jeans that are too long look sloppy and jeans that are too short look, well, stupid. :) If you are looking for a nice pair of jeans to wear out at night, bring a pair of heals to try on with them. Keep in mind that sometimes the perfect length is unattainable and be prepared to have them altered. I'm 5'4" and have to have a pair of jeans for heals and a separate pair altered to be short enough for flats.
6. Before you commit to a pair, walk around in them, sit down in them, get down on the floor and crawl in them. OK, I'm exaggerating a little but come on, we all have kids right? Make sure they are comfortable to MOVE in.
7. Keep in mind the time of day you are shopping. We all tend to be a few lbs heavier at the end of the day and during that time of the month. If you are shopping in the morning keep in mind that you will need a little room to expand.
8. Plan to take some time when hunting for the perfect pair of jeans. They don't have to be expensive but nothing feels better than the perfect pair of broken in jeans that flatter. If you are not sure, take a camera to the dressing room so you can take pics of you in them to look at later or to show to friends to get an honest opinion.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I'm here
I lost my computer when I left so I have not been on line much recently. I decided to use my lunch break to do a little blogging.
Not much to say other than the in-laws know now and as expected I am the evil queen bitch of the universe. My best friend (since we were 14) is also my sister-in-law so she fills me in on it all. Apparently I "broke my mother in law because I took her baby away", I am "tearing the family apart" and I am "the reason STBXH (soon to be x-husband) never calls them."
They give me far too much credit, doncha think? ;)
This is of course, on top of the famous "High Maintenance" line my MIL started. Tell me this... If two people are in a relationship and one of them sits around and refuses to help, expects the other to handle everything and bitches and complains about not getting what they want while the other one does 99% of the work, works their arse off and still manages to keep the other *mostly* satisfied, who would you say is the "High Maintenance" one?
Eat it MIL.
A note to the In-laws: You do NOT want to go to battle with me. Trust me. I will run you in to the ground, you alcoholic SOBs.
Not much to say other than the in-laws know now and as expected I am the evil queen bitch of the universe. My best friend (since we were 14) is also my sister-in-law so she fills me in on it all. Apparently I "broke my mother in law because I took her baby away", I am "tearing the family apart" and I am "the reason STBXH (soon to be x-husband) never calls them."
They give me far too much credit, doncha think? ;)
This is of course, on top of the famous "High Maintenance" line my MIL started. Tell me this... If two people are in a relationship and one of them sits around and refuses to help, expects the other to handle everything and bitches and complains about not getting what they want while the other one does 99% of the work, works their arse off and still manages to keep the other *mostly* satisfied, who would you say is the "High Maintenance" one?
Eat it MIL.
A note to the In-laws: You do NOT want to go to battle with me. Trust me. I will run you in to the ground, you alcoholic SOBs.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
A little Peep action
I most definitely don't have the time to get in on all the Peep action going around but I do think this shirt from David and Goliath is adorable!
Moving day
Most of you have no idea what I am talking about and a few of you are going to jump up from your chairs and shout, "FINALLY!" but...
I'm leaving. Moving back to MY house with my children, filing for divorce and moving on.
(Disclaimer: Of course there is always the chance that STBXH (soon-to-be-Ex-husband) will do a 180 and honestly get his shit together but I am not counting on it or waiting for it and I will not be manipulated with "good behaviour" again.)
It feels good and scary at the same time. I actually kicked STBXH out of our current house a week ago and have been waiting for a couple things to be repaired at my house before I could move. M is having a hard time and keeps asking where Daddy is. K could really care less and is just as cheerful and cute as ever. M and STBXH were not that close, I think mainly he is concerned that I have been a bit of a wreck. M has been sleeping in my bed and 2 nights ago actually slept on me.
So despite the fact that I have been almost solely existing on Ben and Jerry's and Blizzards, I am doing quite well. As I suspected, living without my pain-in-the-ass husband around is actually easier and less work. (Do you all get it now? Being a single mom of 2 children under 3 is easier than being with my husband! Do you get how much of a childish ass he was/is?) Being a single mom shouldn't be easier. Yet it is, except for being the only one to get up in the night with the kids. Although this should settle down soon and they will once again return to being good sleepers.
I'm leaving. Moving back to MY house with my children, filing for divorce and moving on.
(Disclaimer: Of course there is always the chance that STBXH (soon-to-be-Ex-husband) will do a 180 and honestly get his shit together but I am not counting on it or waiting for it and I will not be manipulated with "good behaviour" again.)
It feels good and scary at the same time. I actually kicked STBXH out of our current house a week ago and have been waiting for a couple things to be repaired at my house before I could move. M is having a hard time and keeps asking where Daddy is. K could really care less and is just as cheerful and cute as ever. M and STBXH were not that close, I think mainly he is concerned that I have been a bit of a wreck. M has been sleeping in my bed and 2 nights ago actually slept on me.
So despite the fact that I have been almost solely existing on Ben and Jerry's and Blizzards, I am doing quite well. As I suspected, living without my pain-in-the-ass husband around is actually easier and less work. (Do you all get it now? Being a single mom of 2 children under 3 is easier than being with my husband! Do you get how much of a childish ass he was/is?) Being a single mom shouldn't be easier. Yet it is, except for being the only one to get up in the night with the kids. Although this should settle down soon and they will once again return to being good sleepers.
So there it is. Like I said, it feels good but scary. The hardest part is being alone again, no one to talk to and share things with. No one to say good morning and good night to, or "what should we do for dinner?" Not that I want him around again but it would sure be nice to finally find someone who can really be my partner in life...
Until then I'm going to enjoy the freedom of being single. No one to harass me about sex, or hump me from behind while I'm unloading the dishwasher. One person less laundry and one person less to argue with. Today is a good day. :)Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Beauty Product Recommendation
Not cheap but if you are in need of some pampering this stuff is fantastic! I got some for Christmas from my SIL and I swear my skin never looks or feels as good as it does when I'm done using this stuff. My MIL says the same thing and it gets fantastic reviews on a fashion board I post on. No obnoxious perfumes to deal with either, a major plus in my book.
Seriously, try it! It's fantastic!
New blog on the blog roll
These are truly amazing stories!! Probably more appropriate to call some of them miracles.
Dianetics Blog
Dianetics Blog
Life imitates Art...
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turnin' around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
Wo oh breathe, just breathe,
oh oh breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Quite possibly the best invention ever
Seriously, check it out!
http://www.bugcatcherz.com/noSeeEms.aspx
If anyone has tried these, let me know. I think I'm going to order some.
http://www.bugcatcherz.com/noSeeEms.aspx
If anyone has tried these, let me know. I think I'm going to order some.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Mommy Style
Recently I've been on a venture to learn all (or most) things fashionable. One thing I have learned is that what is acceptable to a "fashionista" is not always practical for a mom. I've spent some time translating what's cute and fashionably in to what cute, fashionable and PRACTICAL for a mother. I've decided to pass my infinite wisdom (yeah right) on to you. Aren’t you lucky? ;)
I'll start with a Stylish Mommy Must Have...
The wrap dress!
The wrap dress, in my humble opinion, is a must for any woman. Jiggle belly, wide hips and gigantic thighs are no match for the wrap dress. It hides it all and because of the position of the wrap, it defines the waist.
A wrap dress can be dressed up for a date night with some chunky jewlery and cute pumps, dressed down for weekend running around with comfy flats or worn work ready with kitten heels.
Here are some examples:
Diane Von Furstenberg "Jessica" Wrap Dress $245
Diane Von Furstenberg "Bellette" Wrap Dress $465
No fear Stylish Mommies on a budget. There are affordable wrap dresses too!
Ann Taylor Loft $69
Old Navy Wrap Dress $29.50
Target has TONS of great wrap dresses. (Seriously, TONS. Check them out, they are super cute.) Here are a couple:
Target Asian Floral Wrap Dress $24.99
The wrap dress is also the perfect for pregnancy and post partum.
Liz Lange for Target Wrap Dress $21.59
If you are on a budget but head over heals in love with the DVF dresses (who wouldn't be?) you can always check Ebay. Just beware of frauds! The DVF dress is the mother of all dresses, I promise you if you splurge on a DVF you will not regret it. (Unless, of course, your toddler spills cranberry juice on it, but that's another story!)
I'll start with a Stylish Mommy Must Have...
The wrap dress!
The wrap dress, in my humble opinion, is a must for any woman. Jiggle belly, wide hips and gigantic thighs are no match for the wrap dress. It hides it all and because of the position of the wrap, it defines the waist.
A wrap dress can be dressed up for a date night with some chunky jewlery and cute pumps, dressed down for weekend running around with comfy flats or worn work ready with kitten heels.
Here are some examples:
Diane Von Furstenberg "Jessica" Wrap Dress $245
Diane Von Furstenberg "Bellette" Wrap Dress $465
No fear Stylish Mommies on a budget. There are affordable wrap dresses too!
Ann Taylor Loft $69
Old Navy Wrap Dress $29.50
Target has TONS of great wrap dresses. (Seriously, TONS. Check them out, they are super cute.) Here are a couple:
Target Asian Floral Wrap Dress $24.99
The wrap dress is also the perfect for pregnancy and post partum.
Liz Lange for Target Wrap Dress $21.59
If you are on a budget but head over heals in love with the DVF dresses (who wouldn't be?) you can always check Ebay. Just beware of frauds! The DVF dress is the mother of all dresses, I promise you if you splurge on a DVF you will not regret it. (Unless, of course, your toddler spills cranberry juice on it, but that's another story!)
Someone throw me under the Monorail
Can you guess where I'm going this weekend?
I know I said I hated this place. I know I said I'd rather lay down in the driveway while my husband backs over me with our car....
The thing is I KNOW my kids will have a blast. I know they will have more fun than they can stand, especially since K is walking/running now. I also know I'll want to kill myself come the end of the day but alas I am a mom and we moms tend to put our kids needs/wants before ours.
I'm going to have to go sometime this year. Better now than this summer when the heat will melt my pale, white ass.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Another Human Rights Video
I really hope you all take the time to watch these videos. Some are tear jerkers and some are hard to watch but they all apply to YOU. They are YOUR rights and you should know what they are.
Because I LOOOOVE him
In case you missed the Oprah Oscar Special, here is the George and Juila part. (Who cares about the rest of the special, right?)
*Sigh* I love me some George Clooney...
Part 1:
Part 2:
*Sigh* I love me some George Clooney...
Part 1:
Part 2:
Monday, February 26, 2007
Let's get nude
If that didn't get your attention then I'm sure these will:
They got mine, anyway. I think I have to have them.
With all the horrid trends out there right now (aka skinny jeans and leggings) "nude" is a trend I can get on board with.
They got mine, anyway. I think I have to have them.
With all the horrid trends out there right now (aka skinny jeans and leggings) "nude" is a trend I can get on board with.
$100 says she's pregnant...
Empire waist: check
Maternal glow: check
Wider than ususal hips: check
Suddenly an extra 10 or so lbs: check
Fuller boobs: check
Lots of bling on upper half to destract from lower half: check
Monday, February 19, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
For the grieving mother
You came in to my life
You brought great joy
You filled my heart with wonder
You were my missing piece
I waited with anticipation
For the day that would bring your smile
Each day you grew and my heart grew too
You were my missing piece
The day of your arrival came
It came much too soon
A day of grief and pain
No mother should ever know
Now you are gone
And I want you to know
I will hold you forever in my heart
My missing piece
You brought great joy
You filled my heart with wonder
You were my missing piece
I waited with anticipation
For the day that would bring your smile
Each day you grew and my heart grew too
You were my missing piece
The day of your arrival came
It came much too soon
A day of grief and pain
No mother should ever know
Now you are gone
And I want you to know
I will hold you forever in my heart
My missing piece
These belong to you
I'm going to post one human rights video each day. Not for religious reasons... Not because I think you should believe what I believe... Not because I feel the obligation to do a good deed...
Because I care, but mostly because you have a right to know.
Because I care, but mostly because you have a right to know.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Three Dollar Travelers
Toddlers say the cutest and most confusing things sometimes. There have been a number of times when M emphatically says something that makes absolutely no sense to me. I hate to have to tell him that I don't understand what he is saying, so sometimes I try and pretend that I understand, even though I don't. It never works. Unless you repeat what he is saying back to him he will keep saying it, over and over, louder and louder. Eventually I get what he is saying and we move on.
I have never, however, been more stumped by any of his sayings than I am this one, "Tree dollar traberlers." The best my hubby and I have been able to guess is, "Three dollar travelers." This can not possibly be what he is saying because it makes no sense whatsoever. However, it's working for now. M yells, "TREE DOLLAR TRABELERS!!" Hubby or I yell, "Yay!! THREE DOLLAR TRAVELERS!!!" M laughs and goes about his business.
I am sure hubby and I have it wrong. I'm almost certain that the only reason we are able to get away with this nonsensical translation is that we look like absolute idiots when this exchange occurs. It must be entertaining enough for M that he sees no need to correct us.
So it continues...It's been going on for several months now. "TREE DOLLAR TRABELERS!!!"
I have never, however, been more stumped by any of his sayings than I am this one, "Tree dollar traberlers." The best my hubby and I have been able to guess is, "Three dollar travelers." This can not possibly be what he is saying because it makes no sense whatsoever. However, it's working for now. M yells, "TREE DOLLAR TRABELERS!!" Hubby or I yell, "Yay!! THREE DOLLAR TRAVELERS!!!" M laughs and goes about his business.
I am sure hubby and I have it wrong. I'm almost certain that the only reason we are able to get away with this nonsensical translation is that we look like absolute idiots when this exchange occurs. It must be entertaining enough for M that he sees no need to correct us.
So it continues...It's been going on for several months now. "TREE DOLLAR TRABELERS!!!"
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Current Musical Obsession
Did I mention I get obsessed with music? No really, it's true. If I find a song I like I will listen to it over and over and over again. Apparently my son is the same way, "Gen (again), Mama, GEN!" My hubby groans and I secretly smile cause I love listening to them over and over too.
Here is my current obsession. My next task is to get M hooked so he will ask for it again and again while driving in the car.
(I couldn't find an real music video but I found this one. It's my favorite TV show so it works.)
Here is my current obsession. My next task is to get M hooked so he will ask for it again and again while driving in the car.
(I couldn't find an real music video but I found this one. It's my favorite TV show so it works.)
Friday, February 02, 2007
6 weird things...
OK, I know I got tagged by Lane on this ages ago but here it is anyway...
THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
1. I have a crooked toe. My second smallest toe on my left foot actually folds to the side. It's weird but I love it.
2. Like Lane, I have an insane knack for recognizing things. Only not faces, handwriting. It doesn't matter if I only saw your handwriting once and 6 years ago, I'll recognize it. Stalkers beware...
3. When I was 9 I had my hair cut so short people thought I was a boy. I still consider it one of the worst experiences of my life. Vain? Who? Me?
4. The play thing I most remember as a child was a water bed mattress filled with air. It was in our backyard and my brother and I used to send my youngest brother flying 10 feet in the air by jumping on the opposite side of it. Good times.
5. My mother has 3 children, we are each 16 months apart. I am the oldest and she had me when she was 21. I had my oldest when I was 21 and my children are 17 months apart. My mother was dead set on stopping at 2 children, baby # 3 was an oops. I am dead set on stopping at 2 children...I need better birth control.
6. When I was 10 I won a state wide competition by building a tower made out of 100 straws and 100 pins. It was 15 feet tall.
I'm not tagging anyone because I'm super late on this and pretty much everyone else has been tagged.
THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
1. I have a crooked toe. My second smallest toe on my left foot actually folds to the side. It's weird but I love it.
2. Like Lane, I have an insane knack for recognizing things. Only not faces, handwriting. It doesn't matter if I only saw your handwriting once and 6 years ago, I'll recognize it. Stalkers beware...
3. When I was 9 I had my hair cut so short people thought I was a boy. I still consider it one of the worst experiences of my life. Vain? Who? Me?
4. The play thing I most remember as a child was a water bed mattress filled with air. It was in our backyard and my brother and I used to send my youngest brother flying 10 feet in the air by jumping on the opposite side of it. Good times.
5. My mother has 3 children, we are each 16 months apart. I am the oldest and she had me when she was 21. I had my oldest when I was 21 and my children are 17 months apart. My mother was dead set on stopping at 2 children, baby # 3 was an oops. I am dead set on stopping at 2 children...I need better birth control.
6. When I was 10 I won a state wide competition by building a tower made out of 100 straws and 100 pins. It was 15 feet tall.
I'm not tagging anyone because I'm super late on this and pretty much everyone else has been tagged.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
She's turning one
I don't normally blog about my children. I'm not sure why I don't, mainly because I set this blog up to help me maintain some semblance of myself in the insanity of young motherhood. Nevertheless, this is important. My baby, my last baby, is turning one. This means that technically, in 16 days she will no longer be my "baby". She is walking now, has been for about a week or so. She says words, Mama, Dada, By-by, cat, up and hi. She has the most amazing blue eyes you have ever seen and her hair gets longer and blonder each day.
When my son, who is also my first born, turned one I couldn't wait. Not because I wanted the baby days to pass but because I was excited about what was next. It's exciting to see your children grow, gain new abilities and learn new things. The problem is in a blink of an eye I went from hearing, "It's a boy!" to having conversations with my "baby" about Lightening McQueen, ice cream that's too cold and which pair of shoes he is going to wear today (frogy or Elmo). It happened fast, faster then I could get my wits around and now in what seems to be an even shorter blink my baby girl is turning one.
So this time I'm sad. I'm sad because the baby days are over. I'm sad because in a very short period of time I will never again see the look of an innocent baby drifting off to sleep while sucking on a bottle. (I just love this, they look so peaceful and innocent.) I've been mourning this being my last child for a while now. I'm going to miss the excitement of pregnancy, a newborn baby sleeping on my chest and all the firsts that happen in that first year.
Don't get me wrong, the independence that I am slowly getting a taste of again is sweet. I do look forward to the day when I can go to the bathroom and not have to worry that there is something I missed that my baby can choke on. I look forward to no more diapers, formula and teething. But right now, as this chapter closes and another one opens I'm just sad. This past year went by faster than a blink, it really is true that it goes by faster with subsequent children.
While I would give anything for some of the time back I know that can't happen. Instead, as my birthday wish (did you know it is my birthday too?) I wish that when they are 18 and truly don't need me anymore that I will still be able to remember what matters about the baby years. When they are 18 and I am 41 I want to remember the coos, first smiles and first time they said "Mama". I want to remember when I was needed and when being "Mom" meant the most.
When my son, who is also my first born, turned one I couldn't wait. Not because I wanted the baby days to pass but because I was excited about what was next. It's exciting to see your children grow, gain new abilities and learn new things. The problem is in a blink of an eye I went from hearing, "It's a boy!" to having conversations with my "baby" about Lightening McQueen, ice cream that's too cold and which pair of shoes he is going to wear today (frogy or Elmo). It happened fast, faster then I could get my wits around and now in what seems to be an even shorter blink my baby girl is turning one.
So this time I'm sad. I'm sad because the baby days are over. I'm sad because in a very short period of time I will never again see the look of an innocent baby drifting off to sleep while sucking on a bottle. (I just love this, they look so peaceful and innocent.) I've been mourning this being my last child for a while now. I'm going to miss the excitement of pregnancy, a newborn baby sleeping on my chest and all the firsts that happen in that first year.
Don't get me wrong, the independence that I am slowly getting a taste of again is sweet. I do look forward to the day when I can go to the bathroom and not have to worry that there is something I missed that my baby can choke on. I look forward to no more diapers, formula and teething. But right now, as this chapter closes and another one opens I'm just sad. This past year went by faster than a blink, it really is true that it goes by faster with subsequent children.
While I would give anything for some of the time back I know that can't happen. Instead, as my birthday wish (did you know it is my birthday too?) I wish that when they are 18 and truly don't need me anymore that I will still be able to remember what matters about the baby years. When they are 18 and I am 41 I want to remember the coos, first smiles and first time they said "Mama". I want to remember when I was needed and when being "Mom" meant the most.
Monday, January 08, 2007
You had to know it would happen
First the hilarious "Dick in a Box" and now this:
To be fair, there are others that did similar spoofs like "Box in a box"
They both made me laugh, "Tits" more than "Box", but anything that can get me to laugh these days deserves a blog entry.
To be fair, there are others that did similar spoofs like "Box in a box"
They both made me laugh, "Tits" more than "Box", but anything that can get me to laugh these days deserves a blog entry.
Invisible
I've come to the conclusion that I am invisible. At first I thought maybe I'm just unappreciated by my husband and while that may be true I figure I must be invisible as well. Invisible to my family (who seem to prefer my brothers to me) and to my friends whom I adore but for some reason don't remember I exist. Either that or they don't care, I'm opting to believe the first reason because the 2nd is too painful.
For the life of me I can't figure out why this is. I'm always there for the people around me, I very often put their needs before mine. In fact I'd say I do this 99% of the time yet no one seems to notice.
Why do I make an effort to stay up late and "get in the mood" when after a highly uneventful (for me) romp in the sack my husband pulls out his book and complains on and on because I asked him to get up and get M cough syrup before he went to bed. Am I really so horrible for asking him to do something for me? Am I that awful for wanting to go to bed at a time that is late for me? Am I that fucking evil for asking my husband to get me some chap stick while he is on his way to the kitchen? I could give 3 shits if I ever have sex with my husband again so I consider my efforts a favor to him. Sex hurts me, physically hurts me. On top of that there are too many issues in my marriage preventing a good sex life so I consider my effort pretty damn grand. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET MY HUSBAND TO CARE, EVEN A LITTLE?!?
I've spent at least 3 years talking with some friends over the internet. I figure we know each other well, despite the fact that I have never spoken on the phone with any of them or met them in person. The truth of the matter is I hate the phone. Aside from that I am happy to meet any of them so why isn't anyone interested? I care greatly yet it doesn't appear to be returned. What am I doing wrong? I'm not a mean person, serial killer or weirdly harmful in any way. The only thing I can assume is that the media has them all so terrified of things that don't exist with in my religion that they don't want to touch me with a 10 foot pole.
I'm thinking of a mother who..."WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME?!?" Invisible, I must be invisible.
Why is it that my brothers have their college tuition fully paid for yet the only way I can get anything above minimum wage is with my own commissions? Why do you offer a job that my SIL can do from home and then tell me you have nothing? Why do they matter and I don't?
Invisible. I'm invisible...because the other options are just too painful.
For the life of me I can't figure out why this is. I'm always there for the people around me, I very often put their needs before mine. In fact I'd say I do this 99% of the time yet no one seems to notice.
Why do I make an effort to stay up late and "get in the mood" when after a highly uneventful (for me) romp in the sack my husband pulls out his book and complains on and on because I asked him to get up and get M cough syrup before he went to bed. Am I really so horrible for asking him to do something for me? Am I that awful for wanting to go to bed at a time that is late for me? Am I that fucking evil for asking my husband to get me some chap stick while he is on his way to the kitchen? I could give 3 shits if I ever have sex with my husband again so I consider my efforts a favor to him. Sex hurts me, physically hurts me. On top of that there are too many issues in my marriage preventing a good sex life so I consider my effort pretty damn grand. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET MY HUSBAND TO CARE, EVEN A LITTLE?!?
I've spent at least 3 years talking with some friends over the internet. I figure we know each other well, despite the fact that I have never spoken on the phone with any of them or met them in person. The truth of the matter is I hate the phone. Aside from that I am happy to meet any of them so why isn't anyone interested? I care greatly yet it doesn't appear to be returned. What am I doing wrong? I'm not a mean person, serial killer or weirdly harmful in any way. The only thing I can assume is that the media has them all so terrified of things that don't exist with in my religion that they don't want to touch me with a 10 foot pole.
I'm thinking of a mother who..."WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME?!?" Invisible, I must be invisible.
Why is it that my brothers have their college tuition fully paid for yet the only way I can get anything above minimum wage is with my own commissions? Why do you offer a job that my SIL can do from home and then tell me you have nothing? Why do they matter and I don't?
Invisible. I'm invisible...because the other options are just too painful.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Uncovering Myself
I've recently come to realize I have spent my entire life dependant on one person or another. I moved out at a young age and got married straight away. Got divorced and have basically spent my entire life relationship hopping. Even if the relationship wasn't romantic I was still somehow dependant on another person. I look to them for approval for nearly everything and often found my own "opinions" changing based on who I was with at the time.
Waking up realizing you are alone brings a harsh reality if you are like me. It's cold, alone and you don't know what to do with yourself or your life.
My identity has been stripped, only it wasn't MY identity in the first place. So what am I left with? Nothing but myself. Everything else that held me up is gone and it's refreshing in a scary, naked sort of way.
My instant reaction is to hide myself in my children and let them define me. Become "Mom" and nothing but, after all they are all I have left of "me" anyway. Only this time its different, this time I'm on a mission to uncover who I am. It's exciting, like a treasure hunt, and each thing I find brings the same emotions that purchasing a fabulous new pair of shoes at a bargin price brings.
I want to believe this is something all "twenty somethings" go through or that huge life changes usually bring this type of thing about. I just wish I was the type of person who was confident enough in myself to have already had this all figured out.
Waking up realizing you are alone brings a harsh reality if you are like me. It's cold, alone and you don't know what to do with yourself or your life.
My identity has been stripped, only it wasn't MY identity in the first place. So what am I left with? Nothing but myself. Everything else that held me up is gone and it's refreshing in a scary, naked sort of way.
My instant reaction is to hide myself in my children and let them define me. Become "Mom" and nothing but, after all they are all I have left of "me" anyway. Only this time its different, this time I'm on a mission to uncover who I am. It's exciting, like a treasure hunt, and each thing I find brings the same emotions that purchasing a fabulous new pair of shoes at a bargin price brings.
I want to believe this is something all "twenty somethings" go through or that huge life changes usually bring this type of thing about. I just wish I was the type of person who was confident enough in myself to have already had this all figured out.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I'll have what they're having, please!
I'll paint the picture for you:
You walk in to Panera and stand in line. Looking around the room you notice the other customers are acting strange, very strange. You follow their stares to a table in the corner of the room. John Travolta is eating lunch! OK, fine, not too uncommon, he does live here after all.
Further inspection shows that he is lunching with his bud, Tom Cruise! Holly Shit! Fine again, they are friends and after all, JT does live here.
Wait a second...What the hell is Brad Pitt doing there?!? I didn't know Brad was part of the posse! Heck, I didn't know Brad even knew where Florida was!
So um yeah, I'll have what they (John and Tom) are having...with a little George Clooney on the side, please.
Sometimes living in Florida has its perks. :)
You walk in to Panera and stand in line. Looking around the room you notice the other customers are acting strange, very strange. You follow their stares to a table in the corner of the room. John Travolta is eating lunch! OK, fine, not too uncommon, he does live here after all.
Further inspection shows that he is lunching with his bud, Tom Cruise! Holly Shit! Fine again, they are friends and after all, JT does live here.
Wait a second...What the hell is Brad Pitt doing there?!? I didn't know Brad was part of the posse! Heck, I didn't know Brad even knew where Florida was!
So um yeah, I'll have what they (John and Tom) are having...with a little George Clooney on the side, please.
Sometimes living in Florida has its perks. :)
If I could serenade myself...
This is what I would sing:
I recently discovered Damien Rice and I swear it's like he read my insides and turned them into a song. I spent many moments over this holiday sitting in a room by myself, eyes closed and this song playing so loudly I couldn't hear myself think. Which was a good thing...
I recently discovered Damien Rice and I swear it's like he read my insides and turned them into a song. I spent many moments over this holiday sitting in a room by myself, eyes closed and this song playing so loudly I couldn't hear myself think. Which was a good thing...
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