She's turning one

I don't normally blog about my children. I'm not sure why I don't, mainly because I set this blog up to help me maintain some semblance of myself in the insanity of young motherhood. Nevertheless, this is important. My baby, my last baby, is turning one. This means that technically, in 16 days she will no longer be my "baby". She is walking now, has been for about a week or so. She says words, Mama, Dada, By-by, cat, up and hi. She has the most amazing blue eyes you have ever seen and her hair gets longer and blonder each day.

When my son, who is also my first born, turned one I couldn't wait. Not because I wanted the baby days to pass but because I was excited about what was next. It's exciting to see your children grow, gain new abilities and learn new things. The problem is in a blink of an eye I went from hearing, "It's a boy!" to having conversations with my "baby" about Lightening McQueen, ice cream that's too cold and which pair of shoes he is going to wear today (frogy or Elmo). It happened fast, faster then I could get my wits around and now in what seems to be an even shorter blink my baby girl is turning one.

So this time I'm sad. I'm sad because the baby days are over. I'm sad because in a very short period of time I will never again see the look of an innocent baby drifting off to sleep while sucking on a bottle. (I just love this, they look so peaceful and innocent.) I've been mourning this being my last child for a while now. I'm going to miss the excitement of pregnancy, a newborn baby sleeping on my chest and all the firsts that happen in that first year.

Don't get me wrong, the independence that I am slowly getting a taste of again is sweet. I do look forward to the day when I can go to the bathroom and not have to worry that there is something I missed that my baby can choke on. I look forward to no more diapers, formula and teething. But right now, as this chapter closes and another one opens I'm just sad. This past year went by faster than a blink, it really is true that it goes by faster with subsequent children.

While I would give anything for some of the time back I know that can't happen. Instead, as my birthday wish (did you know it is my birthday too?) I wish that when they are 18 and truly don't need me anymore that I will still be able to remember what matters about the baby years. When they are 18 and I am 41 I want to remember the coos, first smiles and first time they said "Mama". I want to remember when I was needed and when being "Mom" meant the most.