Invisible

I've come to the conclusion that I am invisible. At first I thought maybe I'm just unappreciated by my husband and while that may be true I figure I must be invisible as well. Invisible to my family (who seem to prefer my brothers to me) and to my friends whom I adore but for some reason don't remember I exist. Either that or they don't care, I'm opting to believe the first reason because the 2nd is too painful.

For the life of me I can't figure out why this is. I'm always there for the people around me, I very often put their needs before mine. In fact I'd say I do this 99% of the time yet no one seems to notice.

Why do I make an effort to stay up late and "get in the mood" when after a highly uneventful (for me) romp in the sack my husband pulls out his book and complains on and on because I asked him to get up and get M cough syrup before he went to bed. Am I really so horrible for asking him to do something for me? Am I that awful for wanting to go to bed at a time that is late for me? Am I that fucking evil for asking my husband to get me some chap stick while he is on his way to the kitchen? I could give 3 shits if I ever have sex with my husband again so I consider my efforts a favor to him. Sex hurts me, physically hurts me. On top of that there are too many issues in my marriage preventing a good sex life so I consider my effort pretty damn grand. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET MY HUSBAND TO CARE, EVEN A LITTLE?!?

I've spent at least 3 years talking with some friends over the internet. I figure we know each other well, despite the fact that I have never spoken on the phone with any of them or met them in person. The truth of the matter is I hate the phone. Aside from that I am happy to meet any of them so why isn't anyone interested? I care greatly yet it doesn't appear to be returned. What am I doing wrong? I'm not a mean person, serial killer or weirdly harmful in any way. The only thing I can assume is that the media has them all so terrified of things that don't exist with in my religion that they don't want to touch me with a 10 foot pole.
I'm thinking of a mother who..."WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME?!?" Invisible, I must be invisible.

Why is it that my brothers have their college tuition fully paid for yet the only way I can get anything above minimum wage is with my own commissions? Why do you offer a job that my SIL can do from home and then tell me you have nothing? Why do they matter and I don't?

Invisible. I'm invisible...because the other options are just too painful.