Uncovering Myself

I've recently come to realize I have spent my entire life dependant on one person or another. I moved out at a young age and got married straight away. Got divorced and have basically spent my entire life relationship hopping. Even if the relationship wasn't romantic I was still somehow dependant on another person. I look to them for approval for nearly everything and often found my own "opinions" changing based on who I was with at the time.

Waking up realizing you are alone brings a harsh reality if you are like me. It's cold, alone and you don't know what to do with yourself or your life.

My identity has been stripped, only it wasn't MY identity in the first place. So what am I left with? Nothing but myself. Everything else that held me up is gone and it's refreshing in a scary, naked sort of way.

My instant reaction is to hide myself in my children and let them define me. Become "Mom" and nothing but, after all they are all I have left of "me" anyway. Only this time its different, this time I'm on a mission to uncover who I am. It's exciting, like a treasure hunt, and each thing I find brings the same emotions that purchasing a fabulous new pair of shoes at a bargin price brings.

I want to believe this is something all "twenty somethings" go through or that huge life changes usually bring this type of thing about. I just wish I was the type of person who was confident enough in myself to have already had this all figured out.