There is something so wonderful about a day in which you can be anyone you want to be. Today I am a Saloon Girl and my husband is an Old West Cowboy. The beauty in this can be summed up in one exchange made by my husband and I this morning. I had just poured myself a cup of coffee:
Me: Your mug (empty) is next to the coffee pot when you are ready.
Him: You aren't going to pour me a cup? You poured yourself one.
Me: No, it's not done brewing yet, I figured you could do it when you were ready.
Him: (Joking) Aren't Wenches supposed to take care of their cowboy? You should bring me my coffee today.
Me: Ah yes, but I have more than one cowboy to tend to. ;)
Him: (Dumbfounded) Hey, that's not nice.
Gotta love roll play!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
In the spirit of Halloween...
I just bought these 9 West beauties for my Halloween Costume. They were originally $159 and I got them for $54 shipped. Gotta love Ebay! I can wear them under jeans on a daily basis too. I just love fall. :)
My costume is home made but inspired by this one. Fun!
While I was at it, I got these. I think they will be adorable peeking out under some dark wash jeans. :) I'm such a shoe whore!
My costume is home made but inspired by this one. Fun!
While I was at it, I got these. I think they will be adorable peeking out under some dark wash jeans. :) I'm such a shoe whore!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I'm cheating on my husband
Or so I am in my dreams anyway...
Recently I have been having these wonderful, vivid dreams of the "perfect men" who treat me with loads of respect, are seriously rich, good looking and head over heals for me.
Wonderful right? Except here's the catch, we never actually get to the "good stuff" because I REFUSE TO TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES! Can we say MAJOR body image issues here?!?
Every single dream has ended with a conversation about a tummy tuck and boob job and me waking in frustration.
Why oh why can't I just get some good sex?!? This really just isn't fair, if I can't get good sex in real life (due to a struggling marriage and pain that started after K was born and hasn't gone away yet) why can't I at least have some good sex in my dreams?
I deserve a body that functions properly sexually but if I can't get that then at least let me have some damn good dreams!
Recently I have been having these wonderful, vivid dreams of the "perfect men" who treat me with loads of respect, are seriously rich, good looking and head over heals for me.
Wonderful right? Except here's the catch, we never actually get to the "good stuff" because I REFUSE TO TAKE OFF MY CLOTHES! Can we say MAJOR body image issues here?!?
Every single dream has ended with a conversation about a tummy tuck and boob job and me waking in frustration.
Why oh why can't I just get some good sex?!? This really just isn't fair, if I can't get good sex in real life (due to a struggling marriage and pain that started after K was born and hasn't gone away yet) why can't I at least have some good sex in my dreams?
I deserve a body that functions properly sexually but if I can't get that then at least let me have some damn good dreams!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Food for thought
At what point do you give up on any given course? I've come to the temporary conclusion that there is no set answer to this. You have to weigh the concequesnces with the pain and trouble the course is causing you, of course, that's a given but how do you know when the pain is no longer worth it?
For most things I have come to learn that if you can push past that point where you are certain you must give up because it's just too hard, you will succeed. If you can just get past that crucial point, past that ultimate test. It's like you have proven you are tougher than whatever life has thrown your way and you win.
What happens when you have pushed, and fought and spent WAY too long sitting in the middle of that point where the obstacles seem insurmountable? Do you keep going? Do you give up and admit defeat? Once you give up there is no going back, are you ready for that? Are you prepared to take another path entirely?
What if you are being a wimp? I constantly think that others must endure much more pain than I do so what I am complaining about? What if I am submitting myself to much more pain than is normal? How do you know and compare these things? When does it turn from bravery to stupidity?
I'm not just talking about marriage. I'm talking about work, dreams, life goals, weight loss, etc. Whatever it is, is doesn't matter. The point is when do you move on?
Or are you the type of person who just rolls with it and takes any obstacle as a sign to take up another course of action? You can probably tell by now that I am not this type of person. I can't help but wonder that if I were would I be more sane or maybe more insane because I couldn't just pick and path and stick with it.
Just food for thought I guess...
For most things I have come to learn that if you can push past that point where you are certain you must give up because it's just too hard, you will succeed. If you can just get past that crucial point, past that ultimate test. It's like you have proven you are tougher than whatever life has thrown your way and you win.
What happens when you have pushed, and fought and spent WAY too long sitting in the middle of that point where the obstacles seem insurmountable? Do you keep going? Do you give up and admit defeat? Once you give up there is no going back, are you ready for that? Are you prepared to take another path entirely?
What if you are being a wimp? I constantly think that others must endure much more pain than I do so what I am complaining about? What if I am submitting myself to much more pain than is normal? How do you know and compare these things? When does it turn from bravery to stupidity?
I'm not just talking about marriage. I'm talking about work, dreams, life goals, weight loss, etc. Whatever it is, is doesn't matter. The point is when do you move on?
Or are you the type of person who just rolls with it and takes any obstacle as a sign to take up another course of action? You can probably tell by now that I am not this type of person. I can't help but wonder that if I were would I be more sane or maybe more insane because I couldn't just pick and path and stick with it.
Just food for thought I guess...
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Awaiting my fate
As I type this my husband is flying over head in a helicopter. He has been talking about doing helicopter pilot training for a while now so I figured what better birthday present then to send him up for an hour and let him test it out. He will either hate it and never mention it again or he will love it and we will have to figure out how to finance the training.
Either way I really don't mind. He is one of these "I have no idea what I want to do with my life" guys so if it figures it out yay for me! The difference between an unmotivated husband and a motivated one are night and day.
My only fear is that he will opt for a more dangerous career path. Coast Guard vrs tour guide, Fire Fighter vrs taxi service, you get the idea. It's selfish of me but I'd really rather not lose him early if I can help it.
Waiting, waiting, waiting to see which way it's going to go...
Either way I really don't mind. He is one of these "I have no idea what I want to do with my life" guys so if it figures it out yay for me! The difference between an unmotivated husband and a motivated one are night and day.
My only fear is that he will opt for a more dangerous career path. Coast Guard vrs tour guide, Fire Fighter vrs taxi service, you get the idea. It's selfish of me but I'd really rather not lose him early if I can help it.
Waiting, waiting, waiting to see which way it's going to go...
Friday, October 20, 2006
"The Boss' Daughter"
So uh yeah, I'm THAT girl. I try not to be THAT girl but I am.
I work for my parents, I do it because I don't officially have my high school diploma. I was home schooled and while I could pass the GED test with flying colors the thought of spending an entire day at the local high school testing with a bunch of drop outs with blue hair frightens me.
The thing about being THAT girl is that people think you are better off than you really are. For some reason people seem to think that this job comes with more perks than it really does. I'll tell you right now that being the boss' daughter means no overtime pay, ever. It also means that since everyone thinks I have special perks that I don't really have my parents (yes, I work for both of them) think that they must prove that there are no special perks to being the boss's daughter. You think I can waltz in late with out anyone noticing? Um, no, I get the same reports to personnel that the rest of you do and I have to hear about it after hours. You think I get paid more? Most often I get paid LESS because they can and they know I'm not going anywhere.
Another wonderful "perk" that this job comes with is other people trying to get rid of you. For some reason there are certain people who think that in order to move up in the company they must get rid of me, like I have a magic wand that I wave when I want something done. So unless they get rid of me and my wand they could be fired at any moment and they just are not safe until I am gone. I have been under attacks that would make anyone cry, I have had things made up about me and the demise of the ENTIRE COMPANY pinned on me. And what's more is MY MOM BELIEVED IT!!! Yep, not only was I going to be fired by my own mother but I was going to be fired by my own mother while I was on maternity leave. Fortunately I am smarter than people give me credit for and I have waved goodbye to many "overtakers".
Sure it does come with some valid perks. I am able to speak my mind to the "boss" when ever I like. I am a daddy's girl and my dad does run the company. I could, if I really wanted to, milk the system.
The thing is that I don't. I don't want to be THAT girl, I show up on time, I do my cleaning station, and I work as hard, if not harder than anyone else here. Because when all is said and done, I have been here longer than anyone else. I have most of my life and livingness invested in this company. I was answering the reception phone and making info packs for .50 cents a piece at NINE YEARS OLD for fuck sake.
When my mother figures out the obnoxious woman who thinks she should be the one running the company needs to go, I will still be here. When there is painting to do on the weekends and when the alarm goes off at midnight and someone has to be at the office to meet the cops, I will be here. When my parents decide it's time to pass the company on, I will be here.
Is it worth it? Probably not. I have had to fire friends, work weekends for free and have been accused of horrible things many, many times. There is a secret to all of this, there is a reason for my "perks" and a reason I stay. I AM DAMN GOOD AT WHAT I DO. Yup, that's the secret. That's how I bought a house and a car at 20 years old. I am in sales (the most difficult field to be in, if you ask me) and because of that I have the ability to make bank. Not because I am the Boss' daughter, nope, that gets me little more than a day of here or there that the average employee might not get. My perks come from the fact that I am damn good at getting peoples money, I can say, "The total is going to be $30,455. What credit card would you like to put that on?" with out batting an eye. I don't have to talk people in to buying, I know the questions to ask to get them to talk themselves in to buying. With out this I would make enough to afford a one-bedroom apartment.
The point of this is not sympathy. No, I don't need or want sympathy. I am proud of what I have because I have earned it. The point of this is next time to see someone who appears to have everything handed to them on a silver platter, look a little closer, maybe they actually worked for everything they have.
Oh and just because I'm 23, work for my parents and have an obsession for shoes and shopping doesn't mean I am stupid. Remember that the next time you try and get rid of me. I will be here far longer than you so you are much better off pretending to be my friend than wasting effort trying to undermine me.
I work for my parents, I do it because I don't officially have my high school diploma. I was home schooled and while I could pass the GED test with flying colors the thought of spending an entire day at the local high school testing with a bunch of drop outs with blue hair frightens me.
The thing about being THAT girl is that people think you are better off than you really are. For some reason people seem to think that this job comes with more perks than it really does. I'll tell you right now that being the boss' daughter means no overtime pay, ever. It also means that since everyone thinks I have special perks that I don't really have my parents (yes, I work for both of them) think that they must prove that there are no special perks to being the boss's daughter. You think I can waltz in late with out anyone noticing? Um, no, I get the same reports to personnel that the rest of you do and I have to hear about it after hours. You think I get paid more? Most often I get paid LESS because they can and they know I'm not going anywhere.
Another wonderful "perk" that this job comes with is other people trying to get rid of you. For some reason there are certain people who think that in order to move up in the company they must get rid of me, like I have a magic wand that I wave when I want something done. So unless they get rid of me and my wand they could be fired at any moment and they just are not safe until I am gone. I have been under attacks that would make anyone cry, I have had things made up about me and the demise of the ENTIRE COMPANY pinned on me. And what's more is MY MOM BELIEVED IT!!! Yep, not only was I going to be fired by my own mother but I was going to be fired by my own mother while I was on maternity leave. Fortunately I am smarter than people give me credit for and I have waved goodbye to many "overtakers".
Sure it does come with some valid perks. I am able to speak my mind to the "boss" when ever I like. I am a daddy's girl and my dad does run the company. I could, if I really wanted to, milk the system.
The thing is that I don't. I don't want to be THAT girl, I show up on time, I do my cleaning station, and I work as hard, if not harder than anyone else here. Because when all is said and done, I have been here longer than anyone else. I have most of my life and livingness invested in this company. I was answering the reception phone and making info packs for .50 cents a piece at NINE YEARS OLD for fuck sake.
When my mother figures out the obnoxious woman who thinks she should be the one running the company needs to go, I will still be here. When there is painting to do on the weekends and when the alarm goes off at midnight and someone has to be at the office to meet the cops, I will be here. When my parents decide it's time to pass the company on, I will be here.
Is it worth it? Probably not. I have had to fire friends, work weekends for free and have been accused of horrible things many, many times. There is a secret to all of this, there is a reason for my "perks" and a reason I stay. I AM DAMN GOOD AT WHAT I DO. Yup, that's the secret. That's how I bought a house and a car at 20 years old. I am in sales (the most difficult field to be in, if you ask me) and because of that I have the ability to make bank. Not because I am the Boss' daughter, nope, that gets me little more than a day of here or there that the average employee might not get. My perks come from the fact that I am damn good at getting peoples money, I can say, "The total is going to be $30,455. What credit card would you like to put that on?" with out batting an eye. I don't have to talk people in to buying, I know the questions to ask to get them to talk themselves in to buying. With out this I would make enough to afford a one-bedroom apartment.
The point of this is not sympathy. No, I don't need or want sympathy. I am proud of what I have because I have earned it. The point of this is next time to see someone who appears to have everything handed to them on a silver platter, look a little closer, maybe they actually worked for everything they have.
Oh and just because I'm 23, work for my parents and have an obsession for shoes and shopping doesn't mean I am stupid. Remember that the next time you try and get rid of me. I will be here far longer than you so you are much better off pretending to be my friend than wasting effort trying to undermine me.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
You underestimate me
You may think I'm not that bright, or that I need a new plan, but let me assure you this is not the case.
See, there are different situations a woman can be in when it comes to relationships. There are relationships that were never good from the start, they were damaging to both people from day one. For whatever reason neither party did a damn thing about it, and even if you didn't see it from day one you eventually did and still continued to ignore it.
Then there are those relationships that GO bad, they are not "born" bad but they turn bad. Something changes at your at each other throats, you do things you wouldn't want the other person to know about and you do things which are harmful to your partner. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A ONE SIDED THING. Yes, that's right, I said it. Your husband cheated on you? Fine, he did it and it was wrong but what have YOU done to him? It's called Karma, my friend, and I'm a true believer.
I believe that relationships that GO bad can be fixed. It may not be easy, it may not be fun and it may be downright painful. I believe that the person walks away from this, the good relationship gone bad, is the coward and the stupid one. The one who needs a new plan.
If you can take an honest look at your relationship and, setting aside all hate and resentment, tell yourself that it WAS something good then you owe it to yourself to at least try to make it better.
After all, these are the moments that shape us. These are the life decisions that make us who we are. Are you going to run away just because things got a little tough? Or are you going to tackle it head on and give it everything you have, because damnit, you deserve happiness too!
I, for one, will not lay down and die. I will keep fighting for what I once had and what I could have. I am not a coward and I HAVE a plan. I will no longer contribute to the demise of my marriage, rather, I will help build it up and make it the wonderful union it once was.
If in the end I lose the battle, then so be it. At least I can say I fought, for myself and for my children, and am a better person because of it.
See, there are different situations a woman can be in when it comes to relationships. There are relationships that were never good from the start, they were damaging to both people from day one. For whatever reason neither party did a damn thing about it, and even if you didn't see it from day one you eventually did and still continued to ignore it.
Then there are those relationships that GO bad, they are not "born" bad but they turn bad. Something changes at your at each other throats, you do things you wouldn't want the other person to know about and you do things which are harmful to your partner. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS A ONE SIDED THING. Yes, that's right, I said it. Your husband cheated on you? Fine, he did it and it was wrong but what have YOU done to him? It's called Karma, my friend, and I'm a true believer.
I believe that relationships that GO bad can be fixed. It may not be easy, it may not be fun and it may be downright painful. I believe that the person walks away from this, the good relationship gone bad, is the coward and the stupid one. The one who needs a new plan.
If you can take an honest look at your relationship and, setting aside all hate and resentment, tell yourself that it WAS something good then you owe it to yourself to at least try to make it better.
After all, these are the moments that shape us. These are the life decisions that make us who we are. Are you going to run away just because things got a little tough? Or are you going to tackle it head on and give it everything you have, because damnit, you deserve happiness too!
I, for one, will not lay down and die. I will keep fighting for what I once had and what I could have. I am not a coward and I HAVE a plan. I will no longer contribute to the demise of my marriage, rather, I will help build it up and make it the wonderful union it once was.
If in the end I lose the battle, then so be it. At least I can say I fought, for myself and for my children, and am a better person because of it.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Jealousy
I know that jealousy is not healthy but I would like to believe that women are inherently jealous. I know I am, I just can't help it. It's like a certain part of me wants me to be better than everyone else, even though I know it's not possible.
How can you not feel that twinge of jealousy when an acquaintance walks in, 2 weeks postpartum, bragging about how she is back in her prepreg jeans? Meanwhile here I sit, 8 months postpartum, back to prepreg weight and they still don't fit!
What about when your younger, less responsible friend rolls up in a brand new BMW? I work harder, am more responsible and have accomplished more in my life and I'm stuck in a '99 Camry. She doesn't drive a BMW because she did anything worth mentioning, other than win the guy lottery. Do I care that he is probably cheating on her and my husband is even more faithful than I can comfortably stand? No, I want a f-ing BMW!
I'm jealous of happy marriages too. Not because mine is horrible, it's not even that it isn't happy. I'm just jealous, irrationally jealous.
I suppose it normal, or at least normal for me. I can deal with it, I'm not crazy about it. I just can't seem to get it through my thick head that the f-ing grass is greener on the other f-ing side!
If I start blogging about being jealous of Skank-is Hilton's boyfriend of the week or trying to be as thin as Nicole "I'm not anorexic" Ritchie then slap me. Otherwise I suppose you and I will just have to deal with it.
How can you not feel that twinge of jealousy when an acquaintance walks in, 2 weeks postpartum, bragging about how she is back in her prepreg jeans? Meanwhile here I sit, 8 months postpartum, back to prepreg weight and they still don't fit!
What about when your younger, less responsible friend rolls up in a brand new BMW? I work harder, am more responsible and have accomplished more in my life and I'm stuck in a '99 Camry. She doesn't drive a BMW because she did anything worth mentioning, other than win the guy lottery. Do I care that he is probably cheating on her and my husband is even more faithful than I can comfortably stand? No, I want a f-ing BMW!
I'm jealous of happy marriages too. Not because mine is horrible, it's not even that it isn't happy. I'm just jealous, irrationally jealous.
I suppose it normal, or at least normal for me. I can deal with it, I'm not crazy about it. I just can't seem to get it through my thick head that the f-ing grass is greener on the other f-ing side!
If I start blogging about being jealous of Skank-is Hilton's boyfriend of the week or trying to be as thin as Nicole "I'm not anorexic" Ritchie then slap me. Otherwise I suppose you and I will just have to deal with it.
The In laws and Taco Hell
In the madness of moving, getting our house rented out, working full time and maintaining my 8 month old, Kaylee, and 2 year old, Michael, we have at times been forced to eat at Taco Hell for dinner. My hubby is the Taco Hell fetcher, I think because he likes to call his brother in CA from his headset while he is in the car. (Another blog on men and electronics later.) The conversation went something like this:
TH: Welcome to Taco Bell. May I take your order?
DH: Yeah, I'll get a #3 and a Mexican Pizza with no beef.
BIL: WHAT?!?! Who goes to Taco bell and asks for no beef? That HAS to be Jessica.
DH: Yup. I'll also get a been burrito with NO onions and add sour cream.
BIL: Let me guess, that's Jess too.
DH: Yup.
BIL: Doesn't that drive you nuts?
DH: You mean that she alters everything on the menu? It used to but not anymore.
BIL: She is high maintenance, isn't she?
Apparently even the way I order fast food makes me HM. What I want to know is who in their right mind eats beef from TH and LIKES it?!? It seems to me the same thing could be accomplished in your own kitchen by adding some water to dog food, blending it and heating it up.
TH: Welcome to Taco Bell. May I take your order?
DH: Yeah, I'll get a #3 and a Mexican Pizza with no beef.
BIL: WHAT?!?! Who goes to Taco bell and asks for no beef? That HAS to be Jessica.
DH: Yup. I'll also get a been burrito with NO onions and add sour cream.
BIL: Let me guess, that's Jess too.
DH: Yup.
BIL: Doesn't that drive you nuts?
DH: You mean that she alters everything on the menu? It used to but not anymore.
BIL: She is high maintenance, isn't she?
Apparently even the way I order fast food makes me HM. What I want to know is who in their right mind eats beef from TH and LIKES it?!? It seems to me the same thing could be accomplished in your own kitchen by adding some water to dog food, blending it and heating it up.
So you think I'm a High Maintenance Bitch?
So this is my blog, my real blog. Not the blog I send to my family that has cute stories of the kids doing cute (or not so cute) things. Don't get me wrong, I love that blog but I need a place where I can be the High Maintenance Bitch I am and not frighten my family. (Actually, I'm pretty sure they are already frightened but why make it worse?)
The rest of my fellow HMBs out there know that a High Maintenance Bitch is quite different from just a normal Bitch. A normal Bitch is just that, a Bitch. But a HMB is, well... I suppose you will find out as I blog.
So gather 'round my fellow Bitches! Let the blogging begin!
The rest of my fellow HMBs out there know that a High Maintenance Bitch is quite different from just a normal Bitch. A normal Bitch is just that, a Bitch. But a HMB is, well... I suppose you will find out as I blog.
So gather 'round my fellow Bitches! Let the blogging begin!
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