Rediscovering

The best part about getting a divorce (is there REALLY a best part??) is being forced to find out who I actually am again. I didn't realize just how much of myself and my energy I was forcing into making a marriage go that JUST.WOULDN'T.GO. Or maybe I did and that's why I left...

Regardless, I've spent the last 4 years trying to hold things together while my ex spent them trying to tear things apart. It's hard enough to hold a family of 4 together without someone actively working against you, trying to tear you and it down. So I tell him to f-off and suddenly life takes on a whole new meaning!! Things move forward with relative ease, as much ease as you're going to get with an almost 4 year old and 2 1/2 year old. I've found myself not only able to keep things together but I've found time for myself! I've found time to sit down and go, "What am I trying to accomplish in life?" "What do I want?"

It's been a long, beautiful process of figuring it out bit by bit. I quit my job a couple weeks ago and thanks some savings, I've been able to take some time to really figure out what I want to do. Not just what can I do to pay the bills, but what do I want to do? I've got some exciting things lined up that I will tell you all about when they fall in to place but I'll tell you it's amazing!

I can tell you now I am an artist, and as most artists will tell you, this is not something that can be swept under the rug with ease. It can be swept, don't get me wrong, but the sweeping almost always brings about a deep misery until it is dug back out from under the rug, brushed off and polished new again.

I dug out all my old acting books, scripts and other work and for the first time in a long time, I feel renewed and refreshed. I have an audition Wednesday, it's for a project that will be scary (in a good way) and a lot of fun. I'm not 100% sure I actually want this project but I'm going to do the audition regardless, at the least I'll have gotten my feet wet again.

I continue with my voice training and am sooooo close to a live performance I can taste it! I'm also in the process of searching out a good guitar teacher so I can learn to play the acoustic guitar, something I've always wanted to do. And I will be grabbing my amazingly talented best friend (we will call him Big M from here on out) and learning some songs with him. I mean, come on! I'm a singer with an innate ability to sing Jazz, he is a Jazz Pianist and Bassist... You do the math! Why I have been so stupid as to not have done anything with him till now, I will never know... Actually, I do know! He makes me nervous, really, really nervous! He's a pro and can hear ALL my mistakes... But no matter, I will do it and hopefully I'll post a video here once it's done!