Breaking a leg

OK, I'm off to my first theater audition in almost 5 years! I don't care too much if I get the part, just mainly want to get my feet wet with the audition process again. Fortunately I don't look much older than my old headshots and I was able to remember enough of my acting past to recreate the resume. I'm very excited! Should be tons of fun. For your reading pleasure, here is my 2 minute monologue: Courtesy of monologueblogger.com

Why do these guys have to play these stupid asinine games? Why do they have to have a dumb three day rule? I mean, if you like me and you are thinking about me, pick up your phone and dial my number. Right? Why play these games? What is it, so they don’t look desperate or something? They have to PROVE their manliness. Whippdiddy doo! Waiting three days is retarded and it gets the guy no where because by the time he does call, who wants to be bothered???

I’m certainly not going to wait around all damn day for HIS call. I met Frank like three days ago, yeah, it was Saturday night. He hasn’t called me. We text messaged eachother for like half a day but he still hasn’t called me to make plans of any kind. What is wrong with him? I talk, I’m a good phone talker, I like talking, I love talking actually but he needs to call me. I’m not even going to answer the phone when he calls me. I’m going to make HIM wait now. See if he likes that. Yep. Watch, as soon as he calls, HA, let the phone ring until it reaches my voice-mail. Than we’ll see if he leaves a mess–

(her phone rings and it’s Frank)

Oh shit! It’s HIM! It’s Frank, Oh my God, Oh my God, what should I do? Should I pick up? Should I answer? Should I pick up?! Wait let him leave a message. No wait, I gotta get a grip, let him leave a message….

(pause)

I’m waiting for the little BEE BOO noise my phone makes when someone leaves a message. (beat) He didn’t leave a message. DAMN IT! I should have picked up! Should I call him back? Should I call him? Should I call him back? Does it look bad to call him back if he didn’t leave a message? I don’t want to look needy. Cause I’m not, I’m not needy. Right? Right? I’m not the needy type right? Okay, so what should I do?

(her phone rings again)

Oh shit! It’s Frank, it’s Frank, it’s Frank, it’s Frank. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! Ummmmmmm, I gotta answer now right? Yeah, okay, I’m gonna, oh boy, gotta take a few deep breaths…..

(she takes a few deep breaths)

(she answers her phone)

Hellllllo!

You know I will be stuffing my face with chocolate as I do this... I mean, seriously, do you see this chick doing anything else BUT stuffing her face during this conversation?? :)