How did I get here?

How did I end up in this place? It's like I just woke up from a long nap and I have no idea where I am, who I am or how the hell I got here. Like when your husband dies and suddenly your life changes and you can't figure out what the hell happened or why it happened to you.
Only my husband didn't die, nothing suddenly changed and nothing truly tragic happened. Apparently I did all this, I chose the direction of my life, planned it all out and got myself where I am. Apparently this is what I wanted...
So why the hell can't I figure out how I actually got here?? This isn't where I wanted to be, I never saw myself here. It feels like a blink of an eye and suddenly I'm married with 2 children, drowning in debt and so unhappy the bottom of my pool looks like a nice place to sleep.
I don't recognize this person I have become. Who is she? Why is she so unhappy and why does it feel like the whole world is spinning around me and I can't grab on to anything. I just keep spinning and spinning, getting sicker and sicker as the world keeps going round and round.
I don't know how to get out of this? How do I get my life back on track? How do I take control again and make something out of this horrid situation? Or do I just succumb, go numb and go through the motions of life with my mommy mask on?
Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I did always want children. I just never imagined I would be here, trapped in a horrible marriage with no apparent way out. I just want things to be better, I want my marriage to be better or I want to be better out of my marriage. I want the world to stop spinning and I would like it if my husband would help me stop the spinning rather than make it spin faster.
I know to make the spinning stop I need to move. I need to take a step in one direction or the other, only I'm too terrified to move. I'm scared to death of my decisions, I don't trust myself with my own life anymore. My decisions are what got me here and I just want someone who knows better than me to tell me where to go. Only I know that won't happen, the only person who can stop the spinning is me.